My journals will include thoughts, vibes and personal experiences.

Written by Tara Lockett. All material is subject to copyright.

May Flowers.

Written April 30th, 2024 just in time for May.

New month, new energy, new lessons, new blessings.

Let’s bloom.✨

11:57 am is my starting hour.

Clouds are blocking the sun but I can still feel it’s healing power.

One day away from May and I see rain showers.

I guess we’re making way for the blossoming of May flowers.

You can’t have flowers without rain.

Sunshine doesn’t come without darkness and pain.

Free yourself from the shackles of shame.

Trust me, everything beautiful goes through change.

We’re no different, we’re all the same.

Living, searching and finding our W.A.Y.S.

So why aren’t you smiling?

Thanking God for the new days.

A new chance to grow and see all He destined you to be.

Your purpose here is bigger and that’s between you and me.

So bloom in that dark room or step outside and get some sun.

Your future is already written, His will has already been done.

Accept it.

Heal that trauma and those wounds that rejected it.

Heal your inner child that may have been neglected.

The first step is acceptance.

Bloom.

I wish you all the healing power that comes from the cleansing of May showers.

I pray that you blossom into a beautiful

May Flower. 🌸

THE PURGE.

to rid (someone or something) of an unwanted quality , condition or a feeling.

APRIL 26TH, 2024 7:12 AM.

Last night I had the urge to purge. Release all that’s flesh and that binds me. Leave all the demons and bad habits behind me in order to find she who walks with a purpose and a plan. The spirit called me home to myself, the new journey begins. How you gone win if you ain’t right within? I’ve been running from me…. the spirit has been yearning for thee. Stepping into my power, I finally feel free. Now that the chains of the flesh have been unshackled from me. I see the light outside of this world tonight. Breathe in slow and let all this other energy go. Let what flows to you be and goes from you flee. There’s a light radiating inside of me. God’s light. I found it again in me tonight. The purge will get me right, a clearer vision, better sight.

Tugging.

to pull something hard or suddenly.

February 26th, 2024 3:39 Am

Hey y’all, I’m back here again.

Feet planted deep and lost in sin.

My spirit grows weary, my heart feels weak.

This isn’t the type of attention I seek.

Back in the mirror, questioning myself.

Explaining to my reflection all of these emotions I’ve felt.

You feel lost. You’ve been getting lit but at what cost?

Fighting battles, liquor and demons all across.

When will it be the last straw?

When will you get it right?

Why do you wait to fix your life at night and not during the daylight?

Why do you let these thoughts roll in?

Is this your subconscious playing with you twin?

How you gon win, when you ain’t right within?

Are they your family, enemies or friends?

Who got you like I do?

Tugging on your heart strings.

Doing what I want you to.

Love and Loyalty. What do they really mean?

So many definitions, too many in between.

So many thoughts…..

Drowning and draining…….

God I need you, I’m done complaining.

Prisoner’s prayer. | February 26th, 2024. 4:14 AM.

God I need you. My spirit has been weak. You want my attention but I’ve been too fucked up to speak. My prayers have been short, my problems are long. I’m lost in the flesh, I may have veered too far. Please save me, before I have a permanent scar. Heal my heart. Clear my mind. Give me strength and love on the inside. Give me grace, enough for today. Hear my heart in prayer when I don’t know what to say. Keep me uplifted, surrounded in your love. Give me good discernment, like you did with my grandma up above. Show me my village of people I can trust, rid my heart of sins like alcoholism and lust. My faith is in you, I know that’s a must. I know you won’t tell anything that we’ve discussed.

Thank you in advance for all my answered prayers. ❤️

_______________________________________________________________

I wrote Raw a year ago. This is an excerpt from my journals y’all don’t see but since I’m healed I wanted to share. We all go through things in life and get in dark spaces sometimes but it’s how you come out of them that builds character. Keep God at your center always. Really allow Him to transform your mind and heal you. You are not alone. You will get through it and there’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

(Read: 1 John 1:5-10.)

Keep your faith and just keep going ;

Raw.

an emotion or quality strong and undisguised in it’s true state.

October 5th, 2022 12:47 AM

My heart has been frozen, yeah it’s time to unthaw.

Living inside my head is my biggest flaw.

Replaying different scenes of what I’ve heard and saw, getting to the root of the problem real and raw.

Sitting in the mirror looking at my reflection, wondering where I went wrong in my direction, looking around seeing what I’ve been left with, thinking “damn, I should’ve been more selfish.”

Naturally, I’m raw and selfless which again is why I’m in this helpless.

One of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with is finding myself and keeping her kept.

My heart starts to melt and now I’m feeling raw, yet I’m still walking around with a clinched jaw.

So many words left unsaid, but yet paragraphs fill my head.

Suicidal thoughts leave me mentally dead, depression keeps me trapped in the bed.

The only light I see is Yariah and Zyla in front of me.

To keep it real and to keep it raw if it wasn’t for them I just wouldn’t be.

Many days I ask God to take this pain from me.

Ready to go see the afterlife because my reality here, just isn’t sitting right.

The world we live in doesn’t seem real, everything feels fictitious and I’m begging God to break the seal.

Take the cap off and truly reveal, everything in this life I try to conceal.

Every insecurity, every shield. Every disguise put up to appeal.

Everything that drains me from the outside in. I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my friends.

I’m the strong one. The down to Earth but bougie fun one.

I’m the go to.

Even my family asks me for help, so much so I just vent to myself.

Feeling alone with children to raise isn’t an easy feat, it’s actually pretty brave.

I know I can’t give in, no matter what the voices say. “My children need me” is what I constantly replay.

I’m holding on tight, to the hope in the light.

I just laid down some confessions, real and raw tonight.

-12:43

May the light carry me.

-12:44

May God hold the door.

-12:45

May God give me strength on the inside.

-12:46

May I be blessed in the midst.

-12:47

May I make it to Heaven.

-12:48

May God guide my fate.

-12:49…..

It’s almost that time…..

-12:50

May God be with me.

90 Days in cleanse ✨

October 4th, 2023.

How’d it start?

JULY 4TH was CRAZY. 😂 …..I mean water sliding, endless shots of tequila, playing spades (while heavily intoxicated 🙃), blacking out, fighting and fireworks CRAZY. All in all I had the most fun and got the most lit. LOL. Drunk water sliding will definitely become a new adult tradition with my favs for summer events…. My body and mind was exhausted though, so I knew I needed a cleanse!

Let’s rewind though, ⏪︎ I recently started back on my weight loss journey in the middle of 2022. That’s when I realized the majority of the weight I lost back in 2020 had comeback with a VENGEANCE. 😭 All the healthy habits I built died right along with the new body I created. I was determine to get the weight back off though. So from July 2022 until June of 2023 I’ve done the inconsistent battle and tug-a-war. My weight fluctuated and I just couldn’t stay consistent. Then I remembered the reason why I was so successful back in 2020 and it was because I had God completely at my center. I talked to Him and journaled daily. I detoxed and fasted for months at a time. I built back up my mental and with a strong mind (God consciousness) came a strong body!💪🏾

So for the past 90 days… 3 WHOLE MONTHS, I’ve centered 🧘🏿‍♀️ myself, locked in 🔐and I’ve lost 30 POUNDS. No it hasn’t been an easy or perfect journey BUT I DID IT and here’s some key things I can attribute to my success:

Spend time alone focusing on God’s voice. MEDITATING, READING His word, PRAYING and JOURNALING.
CUT OUT ALCOHOL COMPLETELY AND GET YOUR MIND BACK. Detox your body.
GET IN THE GYM. Exercising boosts the dopamine in the brain and helps with depression. Depression for me has always made me want to stay in the bed but the gym has always felt like a RELEASE. So SHAKE IT OFF and GET ACTIVE. Outside walks work too!
FAST. Intermitting Fasting teaches you food/craving discipline and it’s good for the body! A lot of us eat way more than our bodies need to be sustained so a little fasting never hurt anybody.
Stay in a CALORIE DEFICIT and COUNT YOUR CALORIES.
DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. Opt for a gallon a day!
STAY CONSISTENT and GIVE YOURSELF GRACE.

Rare.

September 27th, 2022 @ 10:28 AM.

Rare by definition means, not occurring often which is why I rarely occur at all….

The calls from the outside rarely get answered because I choose to live in my mind separated from the world.

You’ll rarely see me out, you’ll rarely get a reaction. The outside noise is usually a distraction and most of the time it’s accompanied by fake interactions. Instead of adding my presence, I’m good with subtraction. I’d rather be alone at home than outside with snakes just for the sake of not being alone. Instead of outside at the clubs in hubs of people y’all don’t really like but taking shots in order to get lit for the night. That’s the plight.

In a world full of fake smiles, be a genuine one that shines through. Unfortunately that’ll backfire on you too. They’ll see your goodness and prey on it. They’ll see your light, try to dim it and hate on it. That’s why I keep to myself and pray on it.

I rarely want to kick it, my social anxiety gets to me, so I’m naturally distant. Only child syndrome. It’s always been me vs. me and seeing how the world is, I’m exactly how I should be.

A rarity. I’d rather be ducked off than seen, my aura still lightens up a room when I walk in, that’s an ultralight beam. All Kanye West. I act a lot like Kanye, I might be Kanye’s best. Been through the wire and I’m passing through my Kanye test.

Mental breakdowns but I’m still Kanye blessed. I’m stressed but it rarely don’t work out for my best. See, I rarely forget God and I thank Him often. I pray for strength, discernment and we rarely stop talking.

He’s constantly reassuring me of the rarity I am. I follow Him close like the shepherd and the lamb. I’m His and I’m good is the reassurance I get, and He makes me uncomfortable when I tend to forget.

He warns me of others when their movements change. He shows me their patterns and I respond with disdain. He hears my cries when I scream His name. He comforts me anytime I feel shame. He returns me to my sanity when I feel insane. My love for Him has no bounds because I was once lost in the desert but now I’m found.

A rare Queen so profound, stay on your high horse for those attempting to look down. You can talk like this because you know yourself and your worth surpasses superficial things like wealth. You are stealthy. Cautious and the thought of comparisons make you nauseous because you aren’t like them. It’s cool though, kudos to those who have seen and those who don’t or who are stuck in between just aren’t meant for the rarity of the Queen.

People move with hidden agendas and wonder why they aren’t blessed, how could you not see your dilemma?

The Reflection.

January 12th, 2021 3:02 PM.

To my reflection in the mirror.
Who is that you see?
When I stare you down and you look back at me.
Do you see hurt and pain?
Or do you see a woman by other names?

She is strength.
She is beauty.
She is worth more than diamonds, pearls and rubies.

You can’t talk to her loosely.

Still debating with the voices in my head.
Still reflecting on this life that I have led.
Still wiping away the tears that I have shed.

Reflection in the mirror.
Who is that I see?
Am I really who I claim to be?
Or just a fraction of who I aim to be?
Silly me.
Still doubting and listening to the enemies.
They’re no friends of me.
Sitting in my room, reciting these soliloquies.

That’s when I’m freed.

Giving thanks for all He’s given me.
Repenting for the sins I make repeatedly.
And as always He’s forgiven me.

Reflection in the mirror.
Is that you I see?
Pretty brown eyes, brown skin.
Can’t you see your beautiful soul from within?
Or do you need a clearer lens?
Or do you need another cleanse?

What is that you truly need?
A solid look at your reflection.
God’s divine timing and protection.
God’s strength and His direction.
God’s love and His blessings.

STAY TRUE TO YOU AND ADHERE TO THIS MESSAGE.

-A Simple Gift From Beyond.🔮

The Revival.

December 1st, 2020 8:50 AM

In need of revival when my mind is idle.

Fighting demons.

Battling depression.

Borderline suicidal.

In need of that deep soul cleanse.

More than sage and incense can provide.

I need to see this world through God’s eyes.

This year I felt took the last of my innocence and not in the sense of virginity but of VITALITY.

Maybe it’s just my lack of energy and my disconnect from this REALITY.

I need to reconnect to the God that’s orchestrating this TEST.

I need my God, that brings out my BEST.

Not this spirit that’s dwelling in my head…….constantly contributing to this MESS.

Causing my own internal chaos.

I need my soul cleaned.

I need my soul watered from the stream……

of life.

I need God’s glow.

I need His Divine light.

I took a walk with the devil but then my soul fell back.

he cannot give me ANYTHING that I may lack.

Only God, can do that.

God’s beam.

That’s why I need my soul cleaned.

Godspeed.

I’m praying for revival and for God to occupy my mind when it becomes idle.

No more fighting demons.

Battling depression.

No more borderline suicide.

I’m just trying to take this change in strides.

Trying to see the world through God’s eyes.

Asking for His forgiveness, when I walk along the dark side.

Asking for His love, when I don’t feel loved enough.

Asking for His strength, when the weight of the world feels like it’s just too much.

Praying for R E V I V A L.

Praying that He brings me S O L A C E during my weary trial.

I’ll give y’all an update in a while…..🤞🏾

-A Simple Gift From Beyond 🔮

The Soul Search.

October 1st, 2020 12:21 AM….

Life humbled me.

My slick mouth, life mumbled me.

Had me roaming through the desert like a tumbleweed.

Not for 40 days and 40 nights….

But an eternity….. with no changing path in sight.

That vicious cycle called LIFE.

A humbling ass bitch.

Who doesn’t bite her tongue and who’s known to talk shit.

A bitch so bad, only the strongest can survive her wrath.

And I won’t be made a victim.

Other people?

Life killed them.

Like I said, only the strong survive.

I approach her at the end with NO fear in my eyes.

Looking at her deep.

She knows I’m molded from the purest sheets.

A true woman of the Nile.

In denial, she throws me to the Devil.

He welcomes me with open arms.

My soul is gone but there’s no initial cause for alarm.

We talk, he takes me on a causal walk.

I feel the heat from Hell below, still wondering if that’s where I’ll go.

to be continued……

-A Simple Gift From Beyond 🔮

A letter for my (ex)ample.

October 13th, 2020… 1:13 AM.

Soul searching as he’s lurking through my social media.

Soul searching as he’s rushing into something new, knowing he’s not over you.

He says he loves you but that can’t be true because a man in love wouldn’t move how he do.

You tried to manipulate me but I’m smarter than that.

You tried to play me but you gotta play harder than that.

You thought when I left you I was hesitant but baby my heart has B E E N gone.

Your love no longer felt like home but a [ CAGE ].

Trapped inside your drug abusive R A G E.

A vibe I couldn’t take.

That pain I couldn’t shake….

The constant lies to my face.

The stab wounds in my back.

The love and the affection we once shared YOU LACKED.

Being in your arms was my natural H A B I T AT but I lay alone now….

So many thoughts in my dome now…..

I’m on my own now….

I don’t even call your phone now….

I don’t reply to texts….

Now you’re just an EX.

-A Simple Gift From Beyond 🔮

“Searching, lurking, rushing over you love. He tried harder when I left. My heart no longer inside. A pain, constant wounds. Once alone many thoughts now…. I don’t reply now….”

January 9th, 2018 10:43 PM.....

"An Ungrateful Paradox"

I thank God for allowing me free will to grow.

I thank God for walking with me, and directing my path as so.

I thank God for giving me knowledge on all the things I need to know.

I thank God for the people He’s rightfully placed in my life.

I thank God for the people He’s removed, completely out of sight.

I thank God for the voices, He places in my head at night.

I thank God for the gifts, and the visions.

I thank God for the past, but not allowing the unhealthy reminiscing.

I thank God for forgiveness and Him turning my wrongs into rights.

I thank God for my family and keeping them safe.

I thank God for filling my heart with love, no envy or hate.

I thank God for food, even when it’s a lot on my plate, I thank God for supplying me with the gems for a clean slate.

I thank God for the good and the bad in my life, because without the bad, my prayers just wouldn’t be right.

I thank God for the lessons, and the hurt I needed to grow. I thank God for the love He supplies, if my environment lacks, He always seems to show.

I thank God for keeping me solid, and giving me a strong mind.

I thank God for keeping me humbled, grateful and kind.

I thank God for always putting me in position to win, I thank God for revealing to me the true Queen that dwells within.

I thank God for staying down, and forgiving me of my sins, even though there’s a strong possibility that I’ll sin again.

That’s the power of God, and how He moves in my life, how my journey strays from a gurney and how my head stays on right. How I’m able to smile, in disabling situations, how I’m able to speak my mind through words, without a real conversation or even the slightest hesitation. I’m destined, and headed where I’m destined to be, don’t believe me, watch and see. I just dropped God knowledge with no fee, on how He moves in my life and within me.

-A Simple Gift From Beyond. 🔮

September 3rd, 2017 9:23 AM.....

"Miss Recluse Sue"

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You're reading this for whatever reason.
There's a purpose.

Lately I've been making myself nervous and there's two blessings coming my way and I'm feeling underserving.

That's a purpose.

Time to introduce you, to me, Miss Recluse Sue. If you know me, you know being a recluse is nothing new. I once identified with introversion but I've seen this bigger person living in a different world. Had these condemnations in my conversations since I was a little girl. Been able to decipher and describe many feelings with my words. A true logophile, I'm good with nouns and verbs. Today I want to serve.

Serve my feelings and thoughts on a platter, gather my knowledge and express it with a pen. See God gives a lot of gifts and forgives a lot of sins but in this world we live in, forgiveness often means that we ask for forgiveness from God but continue to do the same things. Which put us in the same positions, I've awaken from that slavery and this is my disposition. But yet we believe in God or a higher power. What happens if what the Bible says is true, in the last days or your final hours? Do you go to Hell for the sins you've committed? Or if you ask for forgiveness within the last minutes, is that your ticket to Heaven? Had premonitions of death since I was 7.

A gift and a curse. Depression falls on me and with my kind of mind it's worse. But then I get a burst from the spirit and it uplifts me, tells me to make sure my heart is filled with love no hate or envy.

I'm selective with my being, you can't get close to me, I can be like passionate poison if you get a dose of me. These thoughts are choking me, but I'm begging them to speak. Express the emotions you hide and gain the knowledge you seek. Without God consciousness your mind is bleak, your soul is weak.

Let me go back, I am Miss Recluse Sue.

S.eeking U.nparalleled E.xploration and it's nice to meet you. This is something I know I must do. It's apart of that God call. One day I hope to speak my truths amongst you all. To a crowd of hundreds or a group real small, that wonder how this flower is blooming in a dark room alone, because my Father is Heavenly and He resides on a throne.

I'm celestial, God made and God given, for me He died and was risen. He frees me from self-doubt and my self-prison. He knows no limits. The devil He will diminish. Dedicating your self to Him is a life sentence. Miss Sue is here and she's taking her stance, to love God more than the world or man. To seek truth in her and really understand, His design and His plan for her life to run right. Understand why His voices, keep her up at night. She won't lose sight, she won't be fearful or fight.

Along this journey, many won't understand and again that's apart of His design and His plan, those that will, will lie in wait and be still and just wait to hear that voice that persuades her choice to become anew,

to embark on this journey of being Miss Recluse Sue.

A Simple Gift from Beyond. 🔮

Thank you.

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above, coming down from the Father of the Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows".

-James 1:17